#theLSRseries HE

“He” is my perfect man in my head.
He’s my biggest fan.
He’s my loudest cheerleader.
He’s my beast of burden.
He’ll carry with me my pain, but with more tenderness than I do myself.
He’ll wonder why I’m so hard on myself, why I allow myself stay haunted by the past.
Sometimes when I cry he’ll understand that he’ll never understand what life is like for a girl like me.
When I’m hot and cold he’ll adjust his body to fit my temperature because he loves me so.
I have demons, I have issues, but he’ll understand that.
Being with him will be so easy,
Simple to the point of silliness,
Intense to the point of fire,
But it will be all I’ll want because quite frankly I will feel the safest with him.
Every time I doubt him, he’ll honestly understand because he knows that I’m still healing from all the trust I had shattered in the past.
He’ll be okay with bearing with me the aftermath of a life of broken promises and unmet expectations.
He’ll understand that I’ll try to trust him,
That I’ll try to let my guard down,
That I’ll honestly try to be totally taken by his promises and his words.
I’ll try to picture forever with him even though I’m a girl that doesn’t believe in forever,
But because he has given so much to me I can give him that much.
He and I are different yet the same.
We both look at this love thing in a personalized way.
He sees a necessary evil to your heart, body and soul,
I see an unnecessary risk of your heart, body and soul;
But like I said we’re different yet the same.
I’m a strong girl,
I don’t need a knight in shining armor
but he doesn’t agree so he always tries to swoop in and save me.

Normally, I’d be upset at this but because he’s compromised for me I’ll allow him feel like he can save me.
It’s really saving him more than it can save me and anything that can save him is what I’ll ever want.

In reality on the other hand, I do not believe in fairy tales. I honestly do not believe that this guy is out there just waiting on me.  Sometimes though I allow myself get carried away, I allow myself get enthralled by the idea of a soulmate, a helper, a lover, a source of nourishment to my heart, a man I can return to every night and trust that he is only doing the things that will not break my heart. But because all I’ve heard and seen are cautionary tales that attest to the exact contrary, I’ll keep my heart for myself.

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