I’m not one to trust, never, not really. I tell stories, I lie, I’d say what it takes to get my ass out of any situation. My ex’s can confirm this, some might even vivify this with a specific instance where I, knowing I’d already been caught, pulls out some emotionally pestiferous story that could cause anyone to question reality. Before you judge, I’m just human. You are human too, you lie, you pretend, you smile away your anger, pain and distraught. Your morning look becomes a lie, your tweets slowly become lies, your life…
But, in all our humanity, there comes a moment, one that comes as often as buhari wins a presidential election, where you meet someone, and you make a choice to be you, the real you, the pain and sadness behind the smile, the broken soul behind the laughter, the dirty and odious being inside those wonderfully made clothes. You tell the truth about your all, no secrets, no stories. You go bare, arms open hoping to be accepted because for some reason, our humanity causes us to require this acceptance, if not from everyone, but someone “special”. We are blinded by true reason, blinded by the realities of life. in these moments, common sense becomes uncommon. We strive to do more, if possible, do all to bring happiness in our pursuit of acceptance.
How do they say it? “Keep searching and you’d find the one that accepts you for you”. Time and time again we believe this, we accept that some utopian kinda person exits who’s got the very size and shape of pegs to fit your holes – No sexual pun here :). So time and time again we open up, we take the opportunities to give ourselves in our true form – some more often than none. I, mostly more than usual. But like every fairytale movie, reality hits when the curtain comes down on the set. When we realise the persons we’ve given ourselves to are simply human and not our expected super girl or man 🙂 We are reminded of the generality of our very existence. We our judged for our true selves in the manner we have judged others. Our dreams, hopes of happiness, dashed because we aren’t considered good enough.
But do we give up? Do we abandon our search for acceptance? For “Love”? Nope, we continue in the same circle, in expectation because we’ve been convinced that a human without hope is dead. Escaping by the stroke of our teeth, inches away from destruction. Coming out a little more broken than we got into the last battle, we seek a break, only to begin the cycle again in hopes that this time its better than the last.
Well, I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of trusting, I’m tired of being judged, I’m tired of watching people attach hidden goals to my simple actions. I accept me, and you should accept you too 🙂 If the world won’t accept us for who we are, we are cool with it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love yourself cause like I always say, you’re all you’ve got when the lights go out.
I’m tired of thinking I’ve found myself a cheerleader.